rellen (rellen) wrote,

walking backwards

A good title for a book. Or so thought my dream self when the idea came to me last night. I don't remember the context of those words coming to me... were they spoken? did I actually start walking backwards, but I think it a cipher (and a pretty blunt one at that) for the trap of regression, repeating past mistakes, falling into the downward spiral, etc... But enough psycho-analysis. Let us enter the dream scape.

On a strange boat in the middle of the sea with G. We were sitting lower deck, from whence we navigated and captained almost in the water ourselves. It was like a pod, this boat, or a blimp. There wasn't much space except this chamber we occupied. We sat upon slippery-when-wet, white table-like seats that were molded from some sort of plastic. I was having my monthly blood, but being cooped up on the boat, we were both ravenous. We looked at eachother and communication was shared. Foreplay ensued, quickly, as penetration was our ultiamte goal. He came over into my seat and I moved to sit up on the dash. I had left a film of menstral juices upon the seat, which he simply cleared off into the ocean. This made me exceedingly nervous (Sharks!), so instead of mounting him as we both intensely desired I suggested we should go up into the "sleeping" chamber. He was reluctant and I soon understood why. When we got up there, there was this weird baloon-like material blown up over it, smothering everything below. It was like some sort of weird air lock. There was some way to adjust it; in fact, for each individual it had to be adjusted for their breathing rate, but there were two of us crowding into this billowy, suffocating place. We couldn't get it on it was so tight in there. We couldn't breathe. Then some sort of alarm bell started going off like we had done something wrong. In the dream, I figured it was because we broke the airlock. Next thing I know, we're on a similar ship, about to embark with a bunch of school children, and their teacher is telling us be sure and keep track of all the childrens' breathing rates in case the system needs to be reset. It gave me a nervous feeling to hear this.

Next thing I know we're all wondering along this beach. Not the children, maybe they were there, but the feeling I had was this place was filled with the forsook. Everyone had these droopy, forlorn expressions in body and face. No one seemed to be going anywhere- not up the bech or down it- but just sort of wondering around near water's edge, some had rambled up into the dunes. It was almost like something right out of a zombie movie. The waves were wild and powerful. No one was swimming or surfing in those forboding waters. The sky mathced the mood: dark and overcast. Then all the water started to retreat, like the tide going out, only all at once and in slow-mo. It kept going out and out. I realized this meant something BIG was coming. It quickened my pulse in the most-exhiliarating way. And although I knew it was fear I should feel, instead I was filled with utter awe. The excitement was overwhelming. My selse of self-preservation kicked in and I found myself running as fast as I could through the thick sandy dunes. It was more like slogging through the dunes, as anyone who's ever run through thick sand will know. Some of the "zombies" had also realized something dire was approaching and had begun to flee, but others remained, cluelessly wondering about where water's edge had been, some of them even venturing out in search of the water that had abandoned them.

Next thing I remember I'm in some swampy back-bay type area. It's not completely primitive. There are fishing docks built here and there in the marsh and deeper waters of the bay, but as far as I can tell they do not connect to the land upon which we hike. They are sunk, I suppose, into pilings at the bottom of the water. I'm travelling with a Tom Sawyer type, a good friend of mine in the dream. I think we are going fishing. We come into a patch of reeds that opens into a pit of water in which two or three of these dock structures have been planted. The water is deep and murky, blue-brown and ominous. "Tom" murmurs something about being careful through this pass... And as I proceed to jump onto one of the docks, I miss and fall into the water. It was not so much that I missed as I felt the water, like as vast abyss, pull me in before I ever had a chance to reach the dock. I hear my friend scream out "NO", but it's too late I'm falling as in air deeper into this dark murk. It doesn't occur to me to swim, but I know it will be useless. I know I will not be able to overcome the gravity of this water. And that is the last thing I rememember thinking as I scream, falling into the depths below, that water has gotten heavier. And I have a strange recollection that that is what "Tom" was trying to warn me about.
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