The latest bit of evidence to make me hate the man, is the fact that he read my fellow students e-mail when she left it open on one of our group computers. What a schmuck! And he calls me a nosy snoop. I would never stoop so low as to read his e-mail, though he's left me many opportunities. I don't need access to his motivations, bragging, gossipping, politicking or anything else he may convey through his email. I care abouot the practical, day-to-day, getting shit done agenda. His is plain to me without snooping through his e-mail:
He wants the money from grants that help feed his largely minority grad students, but he doesn't really want to have to interact with them at all as an advisor. He'd rather bully them like some twisted upper-classman would a fresh little fish.
He wants to keep up appearences and cover his ass so that he'll be sure his promotion goes through early next year, even though he doesn't give a damn about the department, the univeristy or its students. He will give all kinds of lip service to make whomever believe that he does care about these things, but actions speak louder than.
I'm sorry that I cam to grad school. I'm learning more about how to interact with people than I am about my subject (or so it feels sometimes). It is a good thing to know, but I'm left wondering if this is some sort of retribution for all those years I spent as an asshole. I feel like I'm back in high school, trapped in a living situation that I cannot abide, but must suffer trhough until I finish what I started. I can't wait to get out.
I don't mind the hard work or even the lack of recognition for all that I do. What bothers me is the lack of a support network. I came here because it was a small program, thinking it would afford me more one-on-one, but now I find myself wishing the department was bigger. I could have friends to talk to about scientific musings. We could brainstorm and bitch about projects and advisors, but although there are many grad students, most of them are commuters, so I only see them in class. I should work alittle harder I guess, to speed up the getting the fuck out out of here.
My message for all of you: choose wisely your grad program. Learn carefully who you will be dealing with before you sign so many years of y our life away. It is the human interactions that shape our lives and it is what we do that gives our lives meaning. Don't entangle the two in a downward spiraling mess. Choose carefully who you surround yourself with that you may all work together toward common goals that will lift you all up.